Another week down

I intended to start this post a few days ago but couldn't seem to find the motivation or inspiration to do so. I guess in a way that is indicative of what kind of week it has been. Today is week 3 in hospital and the last few days in particular have been the hardest so far.


On Wednesday things started to get a bit hairy. Throughout the morning I was having a lot of Braxton hicks (painless tightenings). These alone are usually not a huge concern as they are said to not cause much, if any, change to the cervix and they don't indicate the start of labor. However given that I was only 26 weeks and that things are a bit touchy at the moment anyway, although I had planned to wander down to the cafeteria I opted instead to have a lazy morning taking naps and reading and avoiding being upright. By the early afternoon these tigthenings were getting worse and some were questionable contractions so I told the midwife who sat with me for about 20 mins monitoring the baby and timing each pain. In that time I had 3 definite mild contractions and a few niggly questionable ones. The doctor then came and assessed me and said my cervix still had some length but was 1-2cm dilated. I wasn't actually in labor, but I was being closely watched and was given a bucket load of pain medication - not because I was distressed, but it was an attempt to relax me and settle things down. The pain meds had the dual affect of bombing me out and settling my overactive uterus and I awoke on Thursday morning feeling seedy but still pregnant. Phew, we dodged a bullet there. Although on Wednesday I was quite calm, having already accepted that this baby might arrive anytime, it was still scary to think - how many more of these little episodes can we get through before our baby comes?


The other thing Wednesday night did was highlight my immense frustration I have felt about the medical staff. I don't want to do the doctor bashing thing... but I have found some of the care to be inconsistent, some of the doctors to be blaze and seeming to make questionable decisions and the communication has not always been optimal. An example of this was on Wednesday. On three occasions now over the last month, I have complained of these mild contractions and each time the doctors have told me that they are not real and that they are not harmful, and every time a scan has revealed further cervical changes that would indicate that perhaps they real or at very least, are having an effect. But each time the doctors have told me not to worry and imply that I am paranoid. Now on Wednesday when this all happened and the doctor said I was 1-2cm dilated he again said, but we're not worried and these tightenings are not doing anything. He said it is normal for a second time mum to have a partly opened cervix... which can be true, but I found it annoying that he suggested there had been no change, when in fact a week earlier my cervix was completely closed. That to me, is change. I guess this might all sound very petty, but all I want is for the doctors to be direct and honest. All that needed to be said was yes there has been some change, it doesn't mean you will be labor soon, but of course it's a possibility. I don't want false reassurance or sugar coating, I just want the story straight and simple.


Anyway, after a terrible night sleep on Wednesday night (due to frequent visits from the midwives and a restless mind) I woke on Thursday feeling absolutely rotten and still a bit bombed out from the pain meds. I don't even remember if anything eventful or interesting happened Thursday, I just remember feeling tired and crappy.


Along came Friday and my "not worried" doctor who was unconvinced I was having contractions and denied any cervical change came and told me he had spoken to his higher up and they were going to start me on a medication that slows or prevents contractions and uterine "activity" - ironic huh? The only downside is this medication can cause a low blood pressure and so for the next 24 hours I required 2nd hourly BP monitoring, day and night, and then at least 4 times a day including once overnight from then on. By Saturday morning I was exhausted and feeling fragile.


It's now Monday and I started the morning feeling very down and very tired. I'm just so desperate to go home and to get back to normal. I'm really sick of eating the same food. I'm sick of being woken up all the time. I feel selfish for occasionally having the thought that I hope this is all over soon - but then I remind myself that this is better than having my baby 13 weeks early. I also feel guilty for complaining when I know that there are other women out there who are trying to start a family and would trade with me in a heartbeat. I feel upset when I hear that Charlotte is missing me and that some nights she has trouble settling down because she misses me. I think everything had just caught up on me and I was feeling miserable.


I'm happy to report that my Mum came to the rescue and visited today and after a nap this afternoon, I feel much better. She once again reminded me how awesome she is and how nothing beats a hug and a chat from your Mum. I hope one day my kids love and respect me the way I love and respect my Mum, I certainly have an excellent example to learn from!