2 weeks and counting

I have started this blog 3 times today and not got far. The first one I started and then promptly felt the need to fall asleep. That was at 7:30 this morning after I'd eaten my breakfast and had my morning ritual of medications and observations. I stayed asleep until 10:30 because I felt like crap and let's face it, what else did I have to achieve today. Then I brushed my teeth and went back to sleep until 11. The second time I started this blog was soon after lunch. I nearly finished it but when I got to the end I realized I was rambling on and it sounded a bit depressing, so I wiped the page and read Harry Potter (part 5) for awhile. Now I'm starting for a third time and wondering how far I will get...


As the title suggests I've now been in hospital for 2 weeks. I am happy to report that I am still pregnant and tomorrow will be 26 weeks. Another week gone, another sigh of relief. At this stage of pregnancy, every day counts and with each week that passes, our baby grows stronger and more ready for the world. In terms of updates I don't have much to tell you. I will have my next ultrasound in a week and they will look again at the cervical length but regardless of what it is, the management doesn't change - I will still be in hospital for at least 2 more weeks but possibly (and probably) longer. If I am discharged from hospital in a month or so, I won't be going home as I know that I will not be able to go home and remain on bed rest whilst I have a boisterous little 2 year old wanting my attention and I will feel far too tempted to resume normal domestic activities. Instead if I happen to be able to leave hospital I will go and stay with my mum so that I can continue to lay flat on my back and focus on staying pregnant! Of course this is all still maybe's and I've mentally prepared myself for the idea that I am here for the long haul.


Hospital has not been too bad really. Naturally I am bored, despite the fact that my beautiful friends and family have given me lots of movies, trashy magazines and books to keep me occupied. Unfortunately though it's more of a restless boredom as I just want to DO something. I keep finding interesting recipes I'd like to try and cook or get cute ideas for an outfit I'd like to sew for my children. I've been trying to find some navy blue and white striped flannelette fabric online, because I had this idea that I could make matching "Banana in Pajama" PJ's for Charlotte and her brother. So far I have only managed to find a cotton striped fabric, so if I can't find flannelette I might get this and make some summer PJ's instead. I've also been trying to think of cute themes to make the babies room when I eventually have the time to do so. At the moment, his room is still a mess of sewing stuff but I'm not in a panic to get it cleaned because I am planning to sleep him in a bassinet next to our bed for at least the first 3 or 4 months when he comes home. It is such a contrast to when I was pregnant with Charlotte - I started buying clothes, toys and furniture for her as soon as I got the all clear at 12 weeks and I had her bedroom finished at least 2 months before she was born - only to realize that when I got home with my little baby that I couldn't possibly put her in a room all alone and so in she came with us and slept in her cot by my side for the next four months. I think if our little boy arrives early I am going to be even more hesitant to have him sleep away from me so I'm in no rush to make a nursery for him. In the meantime though, it's nice to think about ideas and get inspiration from other creative people who have posted pictures online. Sorry to divert but the point I was making is that for all the idle time spent reading and lazing around, sometimes I just want to get up and be productive and I go a bit stir crazy when I can't. On the flipside of stir crazy, sometimes I just feel absolutely rotten - really tired and sluggish, like today when I slept away the best part of the morning.


I have to make an honorary mention to the food. Now I must say that the majority of the meals are actually pretty decent. Today I even had a butter chicken curry that was quite enjoyable and if it hadn't arrived on a hospital tray I could have been fooled into thinking it had come from the local Bombay Bliss. There have however been a few meals that have been absolutely awful. This brings me to Cat Spew Mince. I first encountered Cat Spew Mince on the second morning of my stay in Hotel Hospital. On the menu it is listed as "Savoury Mince" which I thought was an odd breakfast item but since there was no other choice, I ticked the box. What arrived on my plate was a sloppy concoction of slightly lumpy sauce with the odd pea scattered throughout. Next to this sloppy meal, a solitary wedge of raw tomato stood looking sad and lonely on the side of the plate. My immediate thought was that back in my day as a nurse on a general medical ward, if that had come out of the business end of my patient I'd scoop it up it a specimen jar and send it to the lab. Still, I moved past this thought and ate it. The taste was not enjoyable but with lots of salt and ingested quickly, it filled the hole in my stomach. Then it gave me heartburn all the way until lunchtime. Awesome. So can you imagine my distress when just a few days later the specimen jar worthy "savoury mince" reappeared! I am not even joking, cat spew mince has now appeared 5 times in 2 weeks on the menu. Fortunately Antony brought me a packet of crumpets and some golden syrup in last week so when cat spew was served again, I had a back up plan. Aside from this, and one particularly nasty textured vegetable quiche I have found meals to be quite edible and the portion sizes plentiful. I guess the only complaint is that I miss that "home cooked" taste and the variety and control that one normally has over what and when they eat. It is particularly cruel as my hyperemesis only settled down at 20 weeks, before then I'd lived on cruskits, so I had just started to enjoy eating normal food again then 4 weeks later landed myself here. I have a mental "bucket list" of things I plan to eat when I escape, although given that I'll be either attached to a breastpump or a baby, all meals will come with the requirement of being able to be consumed one handed.


And so that brings me to the end of my 25th week of pregnancy. When we started planning for this baby 19 months ago wee never expected that it would take 13 months of assisted fertility treatment. We didn't expect that we would go through another miscarriage, but we did. We certainly didn't expect that I would wind up in hospital at just past half way through the pregnancy counting off the days hoping not to meet our little boy months before his April 29 due date. But here we are... and I know it will all be worth it but right now I'm not going to lie, I have moments where I think - you know what, this is SO unfair. Especially when other people are telling me about funny things my daughter has said or done - I love to hear all about her "Charlotte-isms" but it also makes me feel like a bystander in her life and it makes me realize how much I miss her and how much I want to be at home with my husband and daughter. At the end of the day however, nobody plans for things like this and even though days feel long, it is temporary, so I will entitle myself to the odd "poor me" moment but overall I'll try to keep my spirits up :)