And so it begins

So here I am - a week into what could end up being a marathon stay in hospital in an attempt to keep my baby boy safe and cooking for as long as possible. With all my spare time I have decided to start a blog, mostly for my own benefit (to kill time and as a bit of a journal). I also figured it might be an easier way for friends and family to keep up to date on what is happening (or hopefully not happening)!

Why am I here? In a nutshell, at 22 weeks I suspected I was having mild contractions and went to the hospital for a check up. An ultrasound showed my cervix to be just 15mm, when at that stage of pregnancy it is usually 30-40mm. I was advised to "take it easy" at home and be rescanned closer to 24 weeks.

10 days later, after taking sick leave at work and trying to "rest" with a  boisterous 2.5 year old, I once again was experiencing mild contractions and returned to hospital for another check. The ultrasound showed that my cervix had whittled away to 7mm. And so at 23+6 days I was admitted to hospital for a minimum of 4 weeks with a high chance of staying longer, in an attempt to prevent or delay a premature arrival of our little boy.

This first week has been very up and down. I have only seen my daughter for a couple of hours total this whole week and I miss her terribly. I feel guilty that Antony has to continue working as well as manage everything at home without me. I feel frustrated that things are out of my control, simple things like choosing my own clothes rather than being at the mercy of my husband's underwear selection! I am bored and tired of being idle, although I have been well supplied with books, trashy magazines and dvd's to keep my mind occupied. I miss home cooked meals... and whilst I usually hate having to cook every night, I even miss doing that! Naturally I am also feeling some degree of anxiety as the reality sets in that there is a good chance I will not make it through another 15 weeks of pregnancy, a particularly scary thought after having worked in special care and intensive care for newborns for the last 18 months - I am too aware of the possibly consequences if our baby comes early. The uncertainty and the "what ifs" are torture, if I allow myself to ponder them too long. And so for that reason, despite the inconvenience of being here and all the complaints I could make, I am instead trying to be positive - to be grateful for each day we get through knowing our boy is a day stronger for it. I am choosing to "look on the bright side" that if I had ignored my "gut feeling" that things were not right a few weeks ago that these complications may not have been picked up on and that may have made a difference to the outcome. And although the odds are stacked against us right now, there is a chance we will make it to full term and so until our son is born, I will try to remain hopeful that I remain pregnant long enough to complain of being "huge, tired and over it." Although I hated being 3 days overdue with Charlotte, I would give anything to be there right now! Got to love perspective!!!